That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we reflect on the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.